My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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