i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
