I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
