I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize