all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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