My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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