Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
