I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
