I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
