Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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