Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
