You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
