Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
