Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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