He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
