dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
