So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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