Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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