I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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