please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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