just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
