Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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