just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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