i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
