dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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