Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
