You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
