toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
