Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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