Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize