im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
