I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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