there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
