its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Congratulations! We have a period
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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