i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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