I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
