You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
