i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
