You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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