This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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