Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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