"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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