i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
