she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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