Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
