Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
