im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
