Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
