You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
