apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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