you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
