Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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