Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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