Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
