he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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