areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
