mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
