You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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