i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
