some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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