once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
