It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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