We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
