So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize