sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
