respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
