Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
